Teen Friendships/Intervention

One of the greatest challenges of parenthood is knowing when to let our children make their own choices. Many parents face this dilemma when their teens choose friends of whom the parent disapproves. Advice from interview with Sheryl Buatch of Family Service on The Morning Show. A TEENAGER WILL TELL HIS OR HER PARENT: "I HAVE A RIGHT TO CHOOSE MY OWN FRIENDS AND YOU SHOULD STAY OUT OF IT." IS THAT EVER TRUE? It might be; it really depends on the circumstances. We need to ask our self what the basis is for our disapproval of this friend. If it is based solely on stereotypes, prejudice or our personal tastes, then we should keep quiet. Examples of this might be if the friend is from a different part of town, of a different race or religion, or dresses in an unusual way. IN WHAT WAY IS IT APPROPRIATE FOR A PARENT TO INTERVENE? When our concerns are based on the friend`s behavior, not just their appearance or family background, then it is appropriate for us to intervene. The way we do that will depend on the specific behavior of the friend that has us concerned. *HOW DO WE INTERVENE? 1. Monitor the friendship closely: When we spot signs of potential trouble, but there are no actual problems now, we should keep a close eye on things and express our concerns to our child. Examples would be when the friend associates with troublemakers but hasn`t been in trouble himself, or when the friend has been in trouble in the past but seems to have straightened out. 2. Limit the friendship: If the friend gets into trouble but only in certain situations, we may want to limit the friendship so that our child is not in those situations with the friend. For example, if the friend has a bad driving record, we can prohibit our child from riding in the car with the friend. If the friend has been caught shoplifting, we can make sure our child only goes to the store with the friend when an adult is along to supervise. 3. Prohibit the friendship: It is appropriate to prohibit the friendship altogether in some circumstances, such as when the friend is a drug user, is violent or is chronically in trouble with the law. 29 JANUARY 2004